Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
