it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
