with your own penis?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
