I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
