The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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