Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just invented taco cereal.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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