omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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