Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Barsexuality is the new black.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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