whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
PANTIES FOUND
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
