turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
