Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
