3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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