Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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