I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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