Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
