shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
