I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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