Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
