i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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