Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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