i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
