he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
