On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
