Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
