I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
