We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
