5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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