Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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