Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
