I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
