He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
