Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
