When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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