would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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