david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
