I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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