So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
