...so i touched it.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
