My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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