What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
