I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
