Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
