Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
