About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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