you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He told me they were just razor bumps!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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