I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
