the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Randomize
