My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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