from now on my penis is your penis
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
