We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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