Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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