After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ladies don't puke and tell
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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