I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
