Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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