I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
