can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
