I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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