He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he quoted the bible to break up with me
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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