I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize