Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
