He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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