My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
