Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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